A Glimpse Into Bored Elon Musk’s Morning Routine

Bored Elon Musk comes up with thoughts and inventions from Elon Musk in his downtime. A futuristic, hyper-parody account, Bored Elon currently lives on Mars.

We caught up with Bored Elon to ask him (or her) a few questions about Bored Elon Musk’s morning routine. Before you ask, we have no idea who they are either.

What is your morning routine?

A morning routine would imply that I sleep, which I don’t, so this question is irrelevant. Next.

How long have you stuck with this routine so far?

Ever since I developed a drug that lets me sleep in millisecond increments when I blink.

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How has your morning routine changed over recent years?

I used to use an advanced electric toothbrush, but then it became self-aware and I switched to manual brushing.

What time do you go to sleep?

Time is not a construct I need to adhere to anymore.

Do you use an alarm to wake you up in the morning, and if so do you ever hit the snooze button?

Much like the toothbrush, I’ve tried to avoid scenarios where machines control my destiny.

How soon after waking up do you have breakfast, and what do you typically have?

I use this.

3D printer with Batter Blaster module and heating element for making non-flat pancakes. — @BoredElonMusk

Do you have a morning workout routine?

I go to a special gym.

Gyms that have members perform physical activities that produce goods that are then sold to pay for gym memberships. — @BoredElonMusk

How about morning meditation?

I spend five minutes each day pondering world peace.

Humans love to fight and hate each other. An alien invasion would probably be the fastest path to world peace. — @BoredElonMusk

How soon do you check your phone in the morning?

I don’t check my phone, my phone checks on me.

What are your most important tasks in the morning?

Sorting through the several hundred notes I jotted down in the middle of the night pertaining to space travel, solar energy, or world domin-ehr-uhm ending poverty.

What and when is your first drink in the morning?

5,000 Hour Energy.

On days you’re not settled in your home, are you able to adapt your routine to fit in with a different environment?

I plan on dying on Mars. So yes.

What do you do if you fail to follow your morning routine, and how does this influence the rest of your day?

As long as a I have a good coffee, I’m fine. And if I don’t…

Pill that will remove caffeine from your body when you’ve had a disappointing cup of coffee and want another one. — @BoredElonMusk

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Book Cover of My Morning Routine

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Want to dig deeper? We’ve collected together data from our online archive of 342 morning routines.